As the Christmas season rolls around, I can’t help thinking that the most important things I will be receiving this year can’t be gift wrapped and put under the Christmas tree. They are gifts that I will be giving myself during this month between Christmas and my birthday, coming up in January.
In some ways, this year I am focused less on what I will “get” for Christmas and my birthday and more on what I will be leaving behind.
With that in mind, I thought that I would share my non-traditional Christmas list with you – a letter written and addressed, not to Santa, but to myself – a reminder of that in the month between Christmas and my birthday, the most important things I will receive will be the gift of things I will no longer need come January 20th, 2013.
With that in mind, I hereby declare that on my next birthday, I will not need:
1. Apologies for being who I am…
…for speaking too loudly (and demanding to be heard), for asking for what I need, for making people uncomfortable. I will not need to apologize for my weight, my career choices, or my sex life. I will not need to apologize for my beliefs (or my unbeliefs). I will not need to apologize for who I love and how I choose to love them. And speaking of, on my next birthday, I will not need…
2. To love people who don’t love me back.
I’ll be leaving that behind in 2012. I will not need to stay in a relationship based on it’s “potential.” I will have learned to be loving without falling in love. I will not confuse people with causes or battles that I need to fight. On my next birthday, I will not argue with people who say they don’t deserve me. I’ll assume they know what they’re talking about.
3. I will not need… instructions on how to be a better woman/black person/fiance/feminist/insert any other relevant labels here.
On my next birthday, I will have realized that labels are just lazy ways of compartmentalizing an individual’s experience and this it is up to me to define and redefine my own humanity, relationships, womanhood, spirituality, and activism. On my next birthday I will have realized that I don’t care to be in a box built with stereotypes and fueled by prejudice and insecurity. On my next birthday, I will have set myself free.
4. I will not need… A “job.”
Because by then I will have a career and a calling. On my next birthday, I will be leading a revolution.
5. I will not need… Abs.
On my next birthday, I will not need abs. I will be too busy loving myself and my body just the way that God created it. I will be too entranced by the lushness of my breasts, the roundness of my stomach, the softness of my skin. On my next birthday, I will love how my jeans look and buy clothes without judging myself for the size on the tag. I will be neither too big or too small. I will be just right.
6. I will not need… To try to understand tragedy.
I will be wise enough to not try to explain the unexplainable. Instead I will humbly open my mind and my heart, during those moments when I would much rather argue with God or blast my frustrations on Facebook, doling out my comfort and condemnation as I deem appropriate. On my next birthday, I will choose listening over talking, loving over arguing, hope over fear.
7. I will not need… To live in the past or incessantly daydream of the future.
I’ll be too busy living, loving, writing, breathing, doing, and appreciating to worry about what’s been or what’s to come. On my next birthday, I will have learned to be present. And grateful. And graceful. And happy.
Discussion:
Do you have a list of things you won’t need on your next birthday? What’s on it?
LC this post is everything! I loved your entire list especially “I will not need… To live in the past or incessantly daydream of the future.”
This is something I struggle with constantly. I always have my head far into the future or re-living the past. Telling or re-telling stories that don’t need to be read. My vow for 2013 and beyond is to be present and to trust myself. In the moments when I’m worrying, I’m not living and that’s something I am committed to leaving behind by my next birthday. Great post!
Being present is so huge and something that so many folks struggle with, myself included. It’s so easy to let baggage from the past weigh you down or to be distracted with recurring day dreams of the future. The present is where it’s at, though – literally! Lol
Number 2 is my fav! Great post!! XOXO
Thanks Candice! Loving people who don’t love you back is a huuuuuuuge no-no, and yet ridding ourselves of that habit is so much easier said than done!
You go girl! Wow! They say the first step is admitting there’s a problem. These are problems we all have and could do to get rid of. The list of things we should not do, in my opinion, is far more important than the list of things we should do. Thanks for the inspiration and the reminder. You are awesome. I just told your Dad that the other day. Love your mind and love that you share it with the rest of us.
printing out and putting above my desk at the office!
LC! I concur with the first comment! This post is EVERYTHING! I’ve decided to term all things wholesome and wonderful “laurynhillin” it… n u were soooo Laurynhillin it on this entry. I especially love the “I will no longer argue with someone when they say they do not deserve me. I will assume they know what they are talking about”… oh Praise the Lord for that line! I just got out of a 9-month break up..yeah u heard me 9-months of breaking up with a guy I was on and off with for 3 years. It’s ridiculous coz he kept telling me how much I deserve better and I still wouldn’t listen. But NO MORE. Please keep the wisdom coming, yes!! Bless you for blessing all of us swagnificent colored girls
that’s my list for 2012. yupp 
I mean 2013 haha
Reverend L.C. honey!!! You are SPEAKING TODAY!!!! THIS ENTIRE POST JUST GOT ME AND MY LIFE TOGETHER!!!! And I’m grateful because Ive been going through it this year and a lot of it has been because of some of these points. Im now going to see a thearpist and I am constantly working on self wellness and awareness. Thank for this post…I’m passing it on!!!!
Sharing now…this list is much too powerful/inspirational/right on time to keep to myself
I am becoming such a fan of this site and the unique and clear way in which you present your ideas. It’s so positive without being cheesy. I don’t know how you do it! Shared this with my Mom and she thought it was great as well. Keep up the amazing work!
Your list is wonderful!
I just celebrated a birthday in November.
I gave myself the gift of being in step with aging gracefully.
The recognition that my knowledge and wisdom is valid. I do not need certification from anyone else because I know how those tools were acquired.
I have been where you are now. It’s interesting that cycles of thought continue to flow from one generation to the next.
I love this list!!! Since my birthday is on Jan 26 (26 on the 26!), I am going to follow this birthday list, focusing on a career and not this job. I commend you for creating this list, and encouraging us to do the same. Thank you
Fantastic article…I can’t wait to see you in 2013. I’m loving your direction.
Simple amazing. Thank you for sharing
I love this! Your words often ring true for me. Inspiring blog with a sistahood twist
This is THE best Christmas list! I hope Santa brings you all this and much more!
This is what the holiday season and new year is really about!
Thank you for your constant modeling and for loving your sisters enough to share this with us!